Paradise Lost

"Paradise Lost" is the magnum opus of John Milton, one of the most important English writers and thinkers of his era, and indeed, of all time. The dude was good. "Paradise Lost" was written while he was blind, meaning he probably just blabbed on and on and on while some poor soul had to write all of his words down. Mind you, Milton's blabbering was very well thought out and extremely organized, but I suspect that hardly mattered to the schmoe put in charge of writing it down. And if they dared doze off while Milton was in talk mode, he would zap them with his laser vision. Just because he was blind didnt mean he still didnt have superpowers. As a class, we only looked at three of the twelve books in "Paradise Lost," books 1, 2, and 9. For the most part, Milton talks about the cool shit he did on his spring break and how stupid the sparkly vampires in "Twilight" are (I cant agree enough with this), but he takes a break from this occasionally to talk about the devil and stuff. Perhaps Milton's most intriguing insight comes in Book 1, where Satan rises up to claim lordship over Hell, stating that its "better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." It is here that we are introduced to the Satanic Logic: Satan believes that his own free intellect is as great as God's will. His mind, he argues, can make its own Hell out of Heaven, or in this case, its own Heaven out of Hell. Emboldened by his own words, Satan grabs his pointy trident, sharpens his pointy horns, and goes to mess shit up in the pointy world of Man. As we see in book 9, Satan does this by entering the body of a serpent and tempting Eve with fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. This in itself is amazing, because I have never heard of anyone ever being tempted by fruit. Maybe if it was a forbidden Snickers bar from the Kiosk of Smartyness or something, but fruit? Please. I could understand if it was in a pie or something, but it wasnt, and even if it was it would probably resemble modern-day fruitcake which no one ever eats, they just mail it to relatives they dont like. Well, whatever. Adam realizes that Eve had been tricked by Satan, and says he would rather die with Eve than live without her. So he eats the fruit too. The two become lustful, engaging in sexual intercourse, before falling into despair. Sounds about right if you ask me. Anyway, the point is, dont do drugs kids.

NOTE: This may be a few mins late, I had some trouble posting it because I'm pretty sure my internet provider is based somewhere in Hell, and Satan loooooves f*****g me over with frequently abysmal internet connection. Cheers!